It's Christmas Time!

I am so excited to be with my fam-bam and eat lots of toffee and go skiing.

But first, the mountains are calling! And they are covered in snow. Chains and caution, up in hurr.

The Great Escape

*cough cough hack cough wheeze*

That's me, about every ten to fifteen minutes. My lungs are making their escape. Since Thanksgiving, my throat has been pretty sore and I've been feeling a little fatigued. Thankfully, the sore throat has dissipated and it hasn't been bugging me for the past couple of days. However, it's been replaced by this awful, full-bodied, deep cough. All sorts of delightful grossness happening in my lungs. My ribcage is sore from coughing so much.

Poor Devon. He has to sleep next to me every night, wheezing and hacking away. I feel awful. Funny thing happened though. Last night, at about 2:50am, he struck his revenge. He says he doesn't remember a thing. I was awoken by a quick blow to my thigh, followed by rapid snapping in my face. By the time I realized what had just happened, Devon was already turned away, sleeping soundly. The man can snap in his sleep! Even though I couldn't fall back to sleep and had a very long day ahead of me, I think I'm more impressed than anything else. I can't even snap that fast when I'm awake.

Sometimes, after spending a lot of time with Devon (like Thanksgiving weekend), I get a little extra clingy. It's ridiculous. I went out with my beautiful former roommates last night and it was so hard to say goodbye to Devon! I was going to be gone for two hours. Seriously, ridiculous. I just love that boy. I love how stupid he is and how he can always make me laugh. I love when he kisses me on the forehead and makes sure I'm okay when I'm feeling sick. I love how ticklish he is and how he gets fussy about it. There are a million things that just make me smile so much. Everyday I love him more and more.

Confession

I have a running list of baby names that I keep in my head. I watch more videos of laughing babies than I think I ever have before. I dream of puppies.


PS: I'm a lot happier than the last time I posted.

Comparisons

I have a problem with comparing myself to others. I do it constantly. It's a hard habit to break. I often find myself feeling inferior in one way or another. I grew up a little differently from the typical LDS family. Or at least that's what I perceive. It was a wonderful upbringing, despite some bumps and mistakes, but it wasn't the typical LDS childhood. Sometimes I feel guilty about it or weird or outcast because of it. I don't share a lot of the same ideologies as my friends. I generally keep quiet when they debate so that I don't rock the boat or bring on judgement. I went through enough of that through high school (back when I was more outspoken and fearless).

Anyways, I'm feeling a little sad tonight. Sometimes I don't recognize myself.

Washington and his apple tree

 It's a universal truth that apples taste better fresh off the tree.
Boy almighty. So delicious! Fresh, crisp, just the right amount of juice.
We went to Gordon Skagit Farms, which is about an hour north of Seattle. Of course it was raining the entire time. That didn't stop us though! It was fun to go back to Skagit Valley. It's where we got engaged back in April!
It was really wonderful to spend an afternoon with my husband. We don't get that opportunity as much as I would like!
Once we got back to Seattle, we met up with friends for dinner and desserts. I am so incredibly grateful for their love and friendship. It's difficult to fully express how much I adore these people so just believe me when I say that I love you to bits.
Thanks for the wonderful birthday. You all mean the world to me. Here's to another great year!

Isn't he adorable?!

This is the first time since we got married that I've been away from Devon for more than 12 hours. This week is gonna be a doozy.

Romanticized.

I would like to live in a cabin in the woods and go hiking or skiing every day. When I was exhausted and flush with the outdoors, I would come home to cuddle up with my man. He would make a fire and we would eat dinner on the floor, basking in it's warmth. We would read old classics to each other as the snow fell quietly outside. No city lights, no traffic at all hours of the night. Just us. Devon and Hannah.

A knot in my stomach

A client came in last night with tears in her eyes. Her husband had been in surgery for six hours the day before for a tumor in his abdomen. She was heading to the hospital right after our session. As I grounded myself for the emotion that I was about to work with, the aching thought came to me. What would it be like if my husband were to be diagnosed with some dreadful thing? How would we fight against it? What sort of nightmares would we create? I hate the thought.

I am so grateful for our blessings and for our health. I am so grateful that we have one another. He's my best friend and my perfect compliment. I love him dearly. And I hate cancer.

Like dolphins fighting

Devon is sick, his work is crazy right now, and my sewing machine is making this awful sound. But all in all, it is good. I'm wearing sweatshirts and knit socks 'round the clock. We're going apple picking this weekend for my birthday. I'll be hearing if I got accepted to PMI soon.

Oh, and I want a dog now more than ever. I miss my Fred so much. 

May he rest in peace, surrounded by bacon.

Weekend Recap

This was such a wonderful weekend. It made Monday easy!

On Fridays, I get to spend time with my beautiful best friend, Janna. Neither of us work on Fridays so we usually get together for lunch and errands. This Friday, we got ourselves a cheap and tasty lunch at the Institute where every Friday they have a "feast" for the younger folks in the area. It's fun to see everyone from the different wards and catch up. Anyways, after that we went and got our nails did. We're really good at that. Followed by Vampire Diaries. Oh man.

That night, Janna, Scott, Dev and I all piled into our car and drove to Renton. Ashlee and Jordan are house sitting out there in an amazing house, so it's fun to pretend like we have money and nice things. TV shows, pizza, 3D projectors, and cookies. Amazing.

Saturday, I worked.

Sunday, we spent the day at Janna's apartment and watched General Conference together. The spirit was so sweet and there was so much love in that room, all day long. I love hearing the words of the prophets and reflecting on how I can become more Christ-like. There was one talk that stuck out to me in particular called "First observe, then serve." I love serving those that I love, but sometimes I have a hard time knowing how or when I should step in. It's so easy to fall into the mindset of "a service must be organized and grand." I've gone to so many service activities where we are faced with daunting tasks but we tackle them anyway. You get it into your head that all service has to be like that. But it's really not the case! Service can be as simple as genuinely asking someone how their day is! I'd like to work on serving more and being more openhearted to those around me. Additionally, I want to be open to being served. Letting people serve you gives them just as many blessings. It's a beautiful thing, really. Our God is a great and loving God. I am so grateful that I can be a part of the LDS faith and know of his love for all of us.

I'm sorry if this was rambly or boring. I'm feeling very blessed and I wanted to remember all of the sweet things that are in my life right now. Speaking of which, Dev just handed me a slice of his fresh-from-the-oven bread! Our FHE's are the best.

Sunset Run to Drums -- 10K

I'm a pretty avid runner and have been for the past seven years. All through high school I raced in track and cross country. I love the feeling of the wind blowing past me and the unleashing of my legs. Once you hit that groove, nothing can touch you.

It's been over two years since I last raced. And that race wasn't much; just a small 5K fun run in my home town. So a few weeks before the wedding, I decided I needed to sign up for a race. The Sunset Run to Drums was sheer perfection. It was a smaller race, so there wasn't the pressure of a huge crowd, and it was right along the Seattle waterfront. Gorgeous.

The least embarrassing shot I could find.

All in all, I'm really happy with my time -- 63 minutes! I haven't run 6+ miles at a time since last fall! It definitely served as a great motivation and I hope to continue, adding more and more miles. Next up: a half-marathon! Not sure when or where yet. Maybe it will just be me and the open road. Whatever it may be, I have no intention to stop.

Falling for the end of summer

The weekend always goes by much too fast. I am so glad that I don't have to work Friday nights any more. Devon and I haven't had Friday nights together for a very long time. So this Friday was the first day of fall, aka the best time of the year. I forced Devon to go buy a giant can of pumpkin with me so that we could make cookies for our neighbors. I haven't done much baking in our new apartment so I was having lots of fun. One thing though: any idea why all of our flour and sugar is clumping? Humidity? Wrong kind of storage? It's really annoying and I'm not a fan.

Anyway. It was a nice Friday night. I love baking and I love my husband.

Saturday after I got off work, we made our way to the Puyallup Fair to spend an evening with Jojo and Ashlee, our favorite married couple. Some old friends of Ashlee's were also there and it was fun getting to know them. We were all loaded on fried food, milk shakes, lemonade and cotton candy as we saw the sights, pet some animals, and rode some rides. It was real fun. I don't think people understand how excited I get about rides. I was a giggling fit. I just wish there weren't lines. Blah! First world problems.

And of course, Sunday was wonderful. Next week we're having a special stake conference where they'll be rearranging the wards. I'm excited to get settled into a new ward.

A wonderful weekend, indeed. And now it's back to work.

My head is an animal

There are so many things inside that I haven't put a voice to. Maybe I'm scared. In a lot of ways I feel inept at a lot of things. I wish I could be eloquent and opinionated and thoughtful. Word vomit. It's all over your new shoes...

Truth is, I'm tired of politics. I hate the two-party system and I don't foresee any real change happening with either candidate. It's a gridlock and to see people constantly arguing about who is better just drives that point home.

Truth is, I'm furious at myself for letting myself be 30 pounds heavier than I should be. For the past three years, and for reasons that I have not reached yet, I've battled with a binge-eating disorder. I've done the spectrum of eating too much and eating too little. I've dragged my body through hell. And now here I am, fighting these mental demons that tell me that I will never get better and I might as well enjoy that donut. Battling myself is one of the toughest things I have ever done. It has led to depression, stress-fractures, low self-esteem, acne, nightmares, and a whole slew of other symptoms. I am furious.

Truth is, my job drives me crazy sometimes. I need the bookings. They aren't always happening. At the same time, I'm grateful for the slow days. It fuels my laziness. And that makes me feel like an awful person. I am so excited and so scared for my next career endeavor. I want to work 40 hour weeks. I want to feel like I accomplished something.

Truth is, there's a lot more on my mind. But now I've made myself sad.

Really, I'm just a 14 year old girl.

For the past couple of years, I've maintained a Tumblr for my personal ramblings. I think I'm going to slowly ween myself off of it though and post here most often. I'll continue to give updates on how Devon and I are doing, but I would also like a space to put other thoughts. Be warned: I can be melodramatic, cryptic, and obnoxious. It's just how I do.

Post-wedding nightmares

Before the wedding, I was consistently having these horrible nightmares that would keep me from sleeping. I would lie awake in bed exhausted and stressed. I think I was averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a night! Thankfully, those dreams have now disappeared.

Except last night I had kind of a crazy almost-nightmare. I just have to share.

I'm alone in San Francisco and assigned with the task of finding my way back to the hotel. None of the buses or trains that pass are the one that I think I'm looking for. I get on one anyway and ride a block. "I'll just walk there. That will be easier," I think to myself. But something tells me that isn't a good idea.

Suddenly, I'm in Monterey with a group of girls that I don't know and my best friend, Janna. We're about to embark on a tour of an abandoned factory on Cannery Row. As we step into the building, we are pushed into single file. The hall is narrow and dark. There are pipes lining the walls, with spider webs connecting them. The ground is dirt. The dust makes you cough. We're given the impression that only children worked here, and not many survived to tell the story.

Once we make it through the tour, we're left in a room with four or five dentist chairs. This is where we will stay the night. Each of us are covered in filth. I somehow have a toothbrush, but no toothpaste. We try to settle down to sleep. Janna cries beside me until my old piano student comes into the room and tells us that there's a surprise and we need to follow her. We step through a door and find ourselves in a room full of our friends. And then we get a lecture on physics and the genius of Da Vinci.

...

I had a physics nightmare, y'all. He wouldn't stop!

Introducing Mr. and Mrs.

The pictures are here! 

It was such an incredible day. Such an incredible week! I am still blown away by all of the love and support from everyone. It all went by much too quickly.

Family and friends began to arrive on Wednesday. We spent the days leading up to the wedding finishing final touches, relaxing, and catching up. Friday night got things rolling with a beautiful rehearsal dinner at BluWater Bistro--Greenlake. It was such a blessing to be able to enjoy some time with the whole family and bridal party. 

While I love Devon a whole lot, these guys had my heart first.

After the dinner, we ventured across the street to the lake. It was right as the sun was setting, the moon was out, and the air was cool. Every couple was given a balloon to send well-wishes for us to the heavens. I think I started crying in the first 2 minutes. Yet another sweet and tender moment!

Ugh. This little guy is now my nephew. What a cutie!

 Saturday morning, I was up at 6am to start getting ready. Me, the bridesmaids, and my awesome hairdresser Tessa all stayed at Lauren and Janna's apartment so we wouldn't have to fuss with commuting. While Tessa worked on my hair, Nichelle attacked my face and made me flinch with the mascara. No big deal. They had me all prettied up in no time and before I knew it, I was headed out the door and on my way to the temple with Brent, Devon and my mom.

The ceremony was absolutely perfect. I cannot even begin to describe how incredible it was to share the alter with Devon as we were sealed together forever. It is such a blessing to know that Devon will be by my side for eternity. He lifts me up when I am down and strengthens me through my trials. I am amazed by his goodness each and every day.

Victory kiss

My handsome brothers

These girls shaped me into who I am today

Devon and his groomsmen

Our new family!

We held the reception at Tutta Bella -- one of our favorite pizza places. Everyone ate, laughed, and enjoyed the company. We had some old family friends come in who my parents hadn't seen for over a decade! It really flew by. I would have loved to stay longer and catch up with everyone. Regardless, it was perfect. And I got to smear frosting in Devon's beard, so not too bad!

Our friend Cassie made us this fantastic red velvet cake--
the first kind of cake Dev and I made together!

Cutie.

I feel a bit repetitive. I've never been great with words. It truly was the perfect day. I got to marry my best friend, be surrounded by my closest friends and family, and just soak in all of the love you could possibly imagine. My heart is full.

August at last!

24 days! Never have I been so excited for the end of summer.

Things continue to come together. Devon's wardrobe is finally complete, except for the boutonniere obviously. But I've got some of the (dried) flowers for that and I've been pinning ideas and tutorials like crazy.

My dress is on it's way. I am pretty much useless with excitement and anticipation. Shar has been working so hard to get it finished in time and I am so grateful for her dedication. My dad was so sweet to ask her to make this dress for me. It's so fun to see my design come to life! Maybe one day I'll learn how to make clothes myself, but not for a long while.

Devon has moved into our new apartment and has been bachelor-padding it up for the past week and a half. We don't have much in terms of furniture yet, so it kind of looks like he's squatting. An IKEA trip is in our future.

Sometimes with all of the checklists that we still have to conquer it's easy to forget the root of all of this. But soon we will be starting a new family together. And that's pretty fantastic.

Day-cations

I love Seattle for many reasons. Obviously I love it because it brought me to Devon. But I also love it because it is so close to so many different things. In one day you can go from the city to the beach to the mountains. The mountains are my happy place. I was blessed to spend my teenage years living at the base of the beautiful Ruby Mountains in North Eastern Nevada. It was the perfect location for meditation. Some of my sweetest memories occurred in those canyons.

As you can imagine, moving to Seattle and being surrounded by buildings and offices instead of blue skies and open roads was a bit of a challenge for me. Every now and then I get stir crazy. With all of my schooling, work and wedding planning, I was about ready to explode. So this last Sunday, my dear, sweet, fiance swept me away to explore Whidbey Island. It was sheer perfection.

            

 We played at Double Bluff Beach and watched all of the puppies. Devon had to hold me back from stealing all of them. I want one so bad! He's promised that in two years we'll start looking at getting one for ourselves.
We also made a sweet castle for a sand bunny.

 After leaving the beach, we stumbled upon a gem of a shop. This guy has been blowing glass for 40 years and says he's still just beginning! The fact that anyone can do this blows our minds.

 Grilled octopus at Prima Bistro - a restaurant that our friend Gabe used to work at and recommended to us. It was delicious!

Then Devon fell in love with an otter statue.

Previews

Let's get this show on the road!

Announcements are on their way!

Devon is on vacation right now to be with his family as they are sealed together in the Twin Falls Temple. It was a little weird and sad to send these off without him. But he was a trooper and helped me stamp, label, stuff, and seal all of them.

What would I do without that man?!

Announcements are done.

What a relief! Dev and I plowed through them all tonight. Sending them out tomorrow!

I have so much more respect for announcements! All of that assembling, printing, labeling, stamping, etc. It's a lot of work! And a good chunk of change! It will all be worth it though. It's exciting to be the one pinned to the fridge now!

Getting closer everyday!

It's only 54 days until the wedding! Not that I'm counting.

I'm sure there are loads more things that I need to do before the big day, but I'm feeling surprisingly calm about it all. We took our engagement pictures this past weekend and they turned out great.

 Now we just need to get them printed, stuffed into envelopes, and then our announcements can be sent out. I am super happy with how everything looks. We didn't do the traditional wording for our announcements and it adds a really fun element.

  Some of the paper is a different color than I intended (Note: always check the labels! Don't trust the outside of the box!), but I'm not going to trouble myself with fixing it now. They still look good!

Our apartment will be available for moving-in in less than two weeks. Of course, I won't be fully moved in until after the wedding, but I'm looking forward to moving some of my stuff over there and making the transition gradually. We're going to have a home of our own!

We are so excited for this new adventure together. It's been an amazing experience so far and I look forward to what's to come!